We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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