yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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