i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize