It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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