can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Text me some of your sweat
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
