My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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