omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize