I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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