So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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