I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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