Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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