someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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