so let's talk penis.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
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he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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