i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
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I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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