Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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