My hand turned me down
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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