Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize