I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
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I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize