How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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