Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize