Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
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My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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