Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
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We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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