I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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