I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize