Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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