i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize