Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize