so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
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i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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