He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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