dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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