i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize