i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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