we made out on top of his cat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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