I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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