So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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