Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize