My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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