he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize