just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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