pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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