just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize