my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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