So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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