Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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