Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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