brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
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cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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