We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
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I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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