My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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