I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize