The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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