you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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