I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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