Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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